Advaita Post 09-04

Meeting with the Project group Psychotherapy, Psychiatry and Spiritual Healthcare on 22 February 2008; Theme: Guidance for Death and Dying - Douwe Tiemersma

What has emerged here tonight is very special. A few years ago it would not have been possible. It has a continued effect in the individual experience here so that it really works. And you can also see its effects on others. That is remarkable, and you may have also noted that this is not to be found in many other places.

Being-open as guidance

It is obvious that whenever you return to your Self, the openness comes and the other person notices it, too. That is the central process. Then who is the ideal guide? That would be someone who is continually sitting in Being, totally open. Then there is nothing more to be done, because then the other person also comes to the experience of Openness. There will be no duality anymore.

Precisely in the terminal phase various masks and armor disappear and the sensitivity is greater than it usually is in other people. Non-duality can then be experienced by most people with relative ease. It's actually a very natural state. All the created patterns are learned secondarily; ego tension is learned, the resistance mechanism against the forces that might affect this ego tension is also learned . The fear that is involved has a direct connection to the limited identification with the I-existence. At the end of life, this is a very acute issue, because it is the experience, I am going to die.

When you are there as a guide the situation improves the more you have already abandoned all these things, so that you can stay stable in the Openness. That should stand central in the courses that will be given.  So it is not so much about the skill to communicate well, etc., it is the quality of yourself, because that is decisive, and you would wish that for everyone, including the terminal patients; that they may also experience the openness and the release of the I-tension. So that is what non-duality is all about and that is the absence of two-ness. As long as a border exists, you are back into trouble. In the non-duality you are going to experience that there are no borders, that there is no limit to time. When you are really in, you can say, okay, I was born, but what does that mean? You are yourself and immediately there is the experience that this self-being is not bound by a date of birth and a date of death. That consciousness is extremely important. When you are really your Self, then there is no longer a care about yourself, then there is no longer an ego, that egocentricity. So there is for you no birth and no death. There is only the total openness and then there is no separation anywhere to be found, there is no duality.

Question:  That also explains why some people go on to a peaceful death? They have already released so much…

Exactly. So whenever it comes to guiding - it was also always said – just be there. But it does have this depth, this consciousness being present. There is no birth. There is no death. It is completely open. You can actually say nothing about it. There is totally no more resistance; because there is no longer the identification with a particular personal life that should be maintained or that comes to an end in a very sorrowful way. There is no resistance, the borders have dissolved. There is no time, there is no birth, there is no death. That is the real non-duality. Everything is gone. In order to come to this, you will probably have had a period in which you were faced with your own fears. From an I-centered point of view the fear is very obvious. But whenever that is transcended and resolved in a good way, then the situation is totally open.

Openness also outside the guidance

You all have experienced this now as a guide. The experience of 'there is only being' is becoming steadily stronger.  You can also recognize how with the dying that total openness is present. You all say it's so good to be there. But how does it continue? That is still the next point. Whenever you can be yourself in a relatively protected environment like a hospice or with someone at home, you will see that this atmosphere can quite easily be spread to other circumstances, such as when you go grocery shopping, or when there are all sorts of other people around in a hospital.

Question: But when I go to talk about it, I often wonder: do others understand it?

You have to let go of that, both for terminal patients and for colleagues. What matters is that you are steadily stable in being present, even at the grocery store, at home and everywhere. That is stabilizing. Such a specific situation (being with the terminally ill) is a very good opportunity to learn.

Coaching during and after death

One more thing about the transition in physical death. Sometimes the best way forward is not only silent presence. When relevant, it can be good to give some instructions. It depends, it must be useful. It may be that someone wants to talk about it, about his struggle, his fears. Then the important thing is to speak from experience, then something can be said. Of course, openness is the centre, but in some cases, when the other before you is open and there are problems, some guidance can be given. It must be from your own experience. The best tour guide is someone who knows the places where you will go. Then you have confidence in the guide. Through his own knowledge there is peace and quiet so that others can say: okay, I will go with you. It has to do with the sometimes difficult process of letting go. The “I do not want to let go”, “I want to live for whatever reason, and I see that it is not possible to do so”, “what comes after this life? It is probably really bad; a judgmental God or a guilty feeling.” Then it may be good to say something about that, again, from your own experience.

In the Tibetan tradition, you also have guidance beyond the boundary of the physical death. That is not different from the guidance before death.  During, but just after the physical death, you are in an atmosphere in which a certain presence is still apparent, a subtle-energy personality not entirely connected with the physical body. If there are any horrors emerging from the personal situation and there is a relationship of trust and openness, something may be said about it. If only to say: we let you go, look at the light. Then that is something more than just being open. It is a piece of instruction in the letting go. If it is good, then that's also what happened in life, but at this stage it comes up so quickly that there are many possibilities. If you are a good guide, then it is important that you have knowledge of the basic openness, the non-duality, and additionally of those different stages people go through from an I-person with an I-center to a release into the total openness. These phases can be very painful, and may be accompanied by less beautiful visions, and so on. The more you are in yourself and remain clear, you will steadily be able to better recognize the process. If you have experienced death consciously during this life, then you know the stages that someone in a terminal condition, and even a bit beyond it, may experience. It is in the light which has the quality of Light and Love that you and the other can release the care and tension of the I.

When a patient is going to die, sometimes even at an earlier stage, the experience of that patient's hard, material reality disappears. There is a certain energetic-emotional atmosphere in which things can still happen. Then it is possible, as in Tibetan Buddhism, that the guide can still give advice: do not look at the sorrowful things, the pain; but experience the space, experience the light. In Tibetan Buddhism it is also said that just after the physical death you have very great opportunities because it still quite acute. It is only when you are very strongly committed to the physical form, that that energetic form, as a kind of soul, will return to a physical body.

The boundary between life and death is not totally clear. Even if there is cardiac arrest or a halt in brain activity. Where does the boundary of the complete death lie? When you are in that very subtle energetic atmosphere with this other person still present, you find that life continues to exist for a period of time. It becomes increasingly subtle. Wherever you are present at such levels, there is also an experienced reality. And that goes a long way. So in all these stages, even after the physical death, release is still necessary, until finally everything is fully released. 

Non-duality

Non-duality is That which precedes all the structures of a person and all experiences in connection with those structures. Falling into yourself goes further than those structures. In that sense, you are falling even through the death of your own I-person. Then you see that the I as a center of tension dissolves. In that depth you can stay as consiousness and openness.

When it comes to a path of spiritual liberation it is exactly at the end of life that there is a huge opportunity to let everything go. Precisely because it so acute. It is all or nothing. If you still choose to hold on, it is directly clear that this is terrible suffering. This happens during life also, only then the situation is usually not so difficult. At the end of life it is really black and white. You feel that everything slips away from you. What do you do? Try even harder to hold on? You experience immediately: it creates tremendous suffering. So in this situation, there is a very big possibility of liberation. You see it also in many people who never in their lives were very spiritual, they learn it then at the very end, because it is so immediate. It is either the one or the other. When there is trust with the guide it is a good occasion to become more conscious of the mechanism: hold tight or let go. Whenever the guide can project freedom it is easier for the other to recognize it. Being busy with I-worries and I-dependencies limit life terribly. The meeting  of life and death: what does it mean? That you become completely free from it. To drop relationships on the I-level by completely severing ties is obviously wrong, because that is also ego resistance. It is just about becoming open: life and death belong together and that is the basis on which life itself, in a very rich way unfolds. You are that life and you are not dependent on it. This is of course important for everyone and when it becomes clear in the terminal stage then there are far less problems.